That's right...I'm sick of my "self." I'm sick of how she acts. For the past few weeks, I have been living Paul's conundrum. You know, the one where he says,
"I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate" (Romans 7:15 NLT). What is this all about? As good as our intentions may be, we still do what our "self" wants to do in the end.
Paul says,
"...I want to do what is right, but I can't. I want to do what is good, but I don't. I don't want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway" (verses 18b-19). Why, at times, does this seem to be the headline for the story of my life?
For a long time I prided myself as being the girl who did what she said and knew what she stood for. But that girl got saved. Pride went out the window. Now, as the developing of a Godly woman ensues, there is no shortage of struggles or distractions in the way to deter the progress.
So what's wrong with me? Why can't I just get my act together? How long will I continue to fight the same battles and struggle with the same things?
Paul -
"I have discovered this principle of life - that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?" (verses 21-24)...
All I have to say is,
preach it!
My circumstance may be the same or very different from yours...if you struggle with binge drinking (or anything else that is so common today) - that's no different from filling my schedule with every pointless activity under the sun (which I tend to do) and leave no room for God (which happens far too often). No different from my surrendering something and then holding onto the corner of it in order to maintain some kind of control.
What is the difference? Neither of us are getting to know God any better because our "self" is getting in the way and doing what s/he wants to do. "Self" is inhibiting our ability to trust God.
So, what can we do??? I can't stay in this trap...I'm sick of it. I'm growing restless and...angry. There is more to life than what currently is.
"Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin" (verse 25).
Jesus already forgave us for letting our "self" run wild...but that doesn't give us the excuse to continue. Let's bust out of this joint because I'm sick of spending time with my "self"...I need Someone better...Someone who can teach me about the things I can only dream about.
Are you sick of your "self" yet?